Regardless of it being consensual, BDSM sexualizes violence [normally against women] and you honestly can’t argue that.
I respectfully disagree.
While I understand how some could argue that BDSM reinforces misogyny, and eroticizes power and violence, I believe that between two consenting adults, the interpersonal dynamic of a BDSM relationship empowers both the dominant and the submissive (regardless of gender).
And it has to be consenting if it’s BDSM otherwise it’s just abuse. I know many women who enjoy BDSM because it validates their sexual desires and sexual inclinations, and there’s nothing wrong with having a shared fantasy that can be enacted by two (or more) willing people.
But that’s just my two cents, feel free to feel how you feel; it’s valid either way :3
You just proved my point. If you take away the consent, it’s abuse.
I’m not saying it’s not empowering to the women who partake in it. I question the men who partake in it as a “dom” simply because we need to evaluate where their desire for dominance over women stems from (and most of the time, it comes from misogynistic tendencies, but that’s a different discussion altogether and I’m not going to discuss that on this post). I’m not saying there isn’t more to BDSM than violence or power. I’m not saying I have a problem with BDSM or the people who participate in it.
I’m just saying that BDSM sexualizes violence, which it does, and you can’t argue that it doesn’t.
My two cents. I have several friends in the BDSM community and though I admit that I no longer have that as one of my fetishes, there was a time when I did, though I was always on the fringes, not deep into the hardcore stuff. But I did learn some things, even if there’s a lot I still don’t really understand.
Yes if you take away consent it could be considered just abuse, but at that moment is also ceases to be BDSM. BDSM REQUIRES consent. BDSM is ultimately a trust exercise between the sub and dom and an exercise in control and finding boundaries. It’s not about abuse for abuses sake.
I would also put forward that BDSM does NOT sexualize violence. BDSM is a refuge for those for whom violence is already sexualized. These two sentences do NOT have the same meaning.
I would also note that in my remaining ties with that community, most of the men I know who are part of it… are subs, not doms or a mix of the two depending on the activity at hand.
I think this entire argument postulated by the OP and responder needs more actual knowledge, research and understanding attached to it. And I include myself on that part because like I said, I still have friends in the BDSM community and I was on the fringes of it for a while after my sexual assault. But I still don’t entirely understand everything about it.
And i definitely don’t think that a blanket statement like “BDSM sexualizes violence” is fair or true, and definitely comes from someone with little to no actual experience or knowledge of the subject to which they are speaking.
Okay, but if you say ‘if you take away consent it’s abuse’ then isn’t that actually making the point that the activity is healthy? Take boxing verses punching someone in the face randomly. These two have very little in common, despite a strikingly similar appearance. Or sex verse rape, the ‘only’ difference is consent, and it’s a HELL of a difference.
I’m not saying that people *can’t* have a problematic bdsm relationship or sex life, but I don’t think it’s inherent. I do think that due to society conditioning it behooves M/f couples to take extra steps to insure consent. Of course I also think that F/m couples have other issues they need to pay extra attention to (please see the do-me-sub mentality that often seems to run with male entitlement of female sexuality).
Also in my experience the primary motivation in most bdsm that I’ve been exposed to isn’t violence, it’s power exchange and/or a desired sensation, which can be either mental or physical. To say bdsm is ‘about’ violence is to pull a very small aspect and make it far more important than it actually is.
The big difference, though, is that bdsm done correctly is an amazingly *mindful* experience. The communication, both before, during, and after, not only with your partner(s), but maybe even more importantly with yourself and your own body, knowing yourself, your needs, and being able to verbalize that and work toward those ends? Those are skills that I think more people should have in their relationships. This is the polar opposite of abuse.